Ep. 106 - The 3 S’s: Sugar, Sleep and Sex - All About Toxins, Children’s Health, Day Dates and Boundaries with Dr. Natasha Beck (aka Dr. Organic Mommy)

 
 

Dr. Natasha Beck is a parenting expert and the founder of Dr. Organic Mommy, an online resource focused on pregnancy, parenting, nutrition and non-toxic living. 

She holds a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, specializing in pediatric neuropsychology from Pepperdine and has a Master’s in Public Health, specializing in child and family health from USC’s Keck School of Medicine.

But above all she is the mom of 3 (ages 3, 5 and 7) with a 4th little one on the way (due Feb 2022) and is married to her high school sweetheart.

While the conversation was going to be all about environmental toxins and children’s diets, we digressed and spent a lot of time talking about how she maintains a thriving relationship with her husband (hint: the secret is in her day dates) and all about boundaries and how she teaches her kids about them.

In this episode, Natasha and I talk about…

  • Her childhood diagnosis of ADHD and dyslexia which started her passion for working with children to find ways to help them with disorders - so she majored in psychology and neuroscience

  • Her experience researching the impact of diet on children’s behavior and how when she changed her own diet and it started to help her ADHD symptoms

  • How she communicates with her own children about making healthy eating choices

  • Sugar consumption in kids and how to find better alternatives

  • What started her deep dive into environmental toxins began when her son was hospitalized at 7 weeks for 29 days

  • 3 helpful tips and easy resources for parents who want to start looking at eliminating everyday environmental toxins

  • Her morning routine (she’s a morning person) in which she incorporates many things to help set her mindset for the day and the importance of setting her circadian rhythm

  • Her secrets to maintaining a healthy relationship - especially being married to her high school sweetheart

  • The rules of her day dates and how to make them successful

  • Teaching kids boundaries and how to communicate them

  • What to do when you lose your temper at your kids

Follow Dr. Natasha Beck at

Resources Mentioned

Listen & Follow

Come join me in my sandbox of life and in this podcast to explore, play and discover something new every single week.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: Tune in weekly because I know you've yelled "Mommy's on a Call" at least once in the last week!!!

LISTEN: Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, Pandora, Audible, or your favorite podcast platform!

JOIN THE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY: The Modern Mama Society - Health & Wellness for Modern Moms

FOLLOW ON IG: @MommysonaCall & @StephanieUchima

WORK WITH STEPHANIE: BOOK a Recharge Session - Say Hello to a Happier & Healthier You!

Ep. 106 - Dr. Natasha Beck Transcript

[00:00:00] Stephanie: Welcome back to Mommy's on a Call today. I'm excited to bring to you Dr. Organic mommy. Dr. Natasha Beck is a parenting expert and the founder of Dr. Organic mommy, an online resource focused on pregnancy, parenting, nutrition, and nontoxic living. Dr. Natasha holds a doctorate in clinical psychology, specializing in pediatric neuropsychology and has a master's in public health.

But above all, she's the mom of three with a fourth little one on the way and is married to her high school, sweetheart. Welcome.

[00:01:25] Dr. Natasha: Thank you so much for having me.

[00:01:27] Stephanie: I love that little line that you're married to your high school sweetheart in your about, because that's a very rare thing.

[00:01:33] Dr. Natasha: It is more rare these days, for sure.

[00:01:36] Stephanie: So I wanted to get started by asking what is your biggest mom win of the week?

[00:01:40] Dr. Natasha: Oh, that's a good one. I would say. Getting my son in the car to go to school without saying he wants to stay home. Aw. How did you do that? Well, it takes a lot of patience and a lot of time to have discussion about it. So I made sure that we had time in the morning before my girls woke up to discuss what his feelings were about, why he wanted to stay home and talked about ways that he could have more quality time with me in different.

Ways and at different times when he's not at school. Oh, and how old is he? He is seven years old in second grade.

[00:02:19] Stephanie: Oh, wow. I know going back to school is hard. How did they kind of fair the last year?

[00:02:24] Dr. Natasha: It wasn't terrible. Luckily for us. And so, um, the kids did all right. I didn't have my younger ones on zoom or anything.

We kind of just homeschool. Um, and so I have a five-year-old and almost three-year-old almost three-year-old was, she was just kind of following along running, but just kind of playing along. But so that one was all right. It was just a lot more work for me. So I definitely, you know, wasn't able to work as much and it was, it was a lot, I feel like it was harder on me.

The kids I found were just much more resilient and they actually really enjoyed being home and going on the hikes and to the beach and. So it was a lot of fun in that respect. Well, to

[00:03:02] Stephanie: give the audience a little bit of context, I know you just said the ages and stuff from your kids, but rundown, like what is your family structure look like?

What are the roles you and your husband play in kind of the family and, you know, a breakdown of all your kids? Cause I know you're also pregnant.

[00:03:16] Dr. Natasha: Yes. So I have a seven year old son, a five-year-old girl and an almost three year old girl. And. Fourth on the way, who is also a girl.

[00:03:25] Stephanie: Wow. Then to be outnumbered,

[00:03:27] Dr. Natasha: outnumbered, and then I've got two dogs as well that are both female.

And so my son took some time to getting used to the fact that he was the only boy did he have.

[00:03:38] Stephanie: I asked for a brother. So I have the same breakdown. I have boy, girl, girl. I think you're like a year ahead of me, although I don't think I'm planning on a florist, but. We have boy, girl, girl, and my son always asks for a brother and I'm like, sorry, it's not gonna have,

[00:03:54] Dr. Natasha: so that part was definitely hard for him, but he's getting used to it.

And there's definitely perks to being, you know, the only boy and for sure, like he, you know, he's old the oldest, I mean, he always got to spend more time with his parents and had more quality time because he's. I stay at home and I work from home. I do consultations from home, but I do have full-time help because I am working, but I am lucky enough to be flexible so I can take my kids to school drop and pick them up and spend quality time with them.

Cook and. Rearrange my schedule. So I can be with them and participate in some homeschooling activities as well. For my younger girls. Are they still at home? Homeschooling? My girls are still at home.

[00:04:33] Stephanie: Okay. And then your son is actually at school.

[00:04:36] Dr. Natasha: My son is actually at school. Yes. Yes. So are you see,

[00:04:40] Stephanie: I was going to ask, are you seeing any patients anymore or are you done with the actual, like patient to patient work?

[00:04:46] Dr. Natasha: So I'm done with patient to patient work. I stopped doing that. I'm no longer testing. I'm just doing. Parenting consultations and doing it. I was doing it in person before now. I'm just doing it for

[00:04:58] Stephanie: right. So Dr. Organic mommy, how did you kind of get into this? Let's step it back a little. And so your pre mommy life before you were doctor organic mommy, what did that look like?

What was kind of your, where did you think you were going to go? And then once you became a mom, did anything change?

[00:05:14] Dr. Natasha: Great question. So I think we have to start back more at the beginning when I was a kid, I definitely was the opposite of what you would classify as nontoxic living and organic. My parents did the best that they could with what the information they had.

And when I was a child, I was actually diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia, which is now known as reading disorder. And so that kind of started me down this path of wanting to go work with children and find ways to help them. I was very fortunate to have various opportunities like getting tested, like getting a great report with all the different recommendations and different accommodations ranging from different types of therapy to help.

And so I wanted to give that back basically. And so when I went to college, I majored in neuroscience and psychology was trying to figure out if I was going to go to medical school or not. And then I ended up deciding that psychology would be best because I always knew I wanted to be a mom and it provided more flexibility.

And so that's why I went to get my doctorate. Um, but specializing with children, I always knew that I wanted to do that. And it wasn't really, until I was working in clinics down at county hospital, that I noticed the impact of diet on children's behavior and also on myself. And I started once I started down that path of like researching it and realizing there was actually a lot of information out there just wasn't as mainstream that.

I started changing my own diet and real and seeing the impact. So removing refined sugars, removing artificial dyes, removing things with preservatives. And so I started to notice that my own ADHD symptoms started to get bad. What is the

[00:06:57] Stephanie: correlation? Cause I always hear that a lot of people who have like ADHD or add, they say, you know, remove gluten or remove sugar.

And I never really understood, like, what about that is triggering or what's impact?

[00:07:09] Dr. Natasha: Sure. Well, refined sugars in general. Can lead to a number of different things from nowadays like fatty liver disease, to cognition, problems, to sleep disorders, which then gets you down to that domino path of like Alzheimer's and whatnot.

And with ADHD, with kids, especially it leads to more irritability, having more difficulty paying attention. And the reason behind that is because your body's constantly in this inflamed mode. You are having this, it, these insulin spikes consistently, and your body's just never in a, like a state of homeostasis, if that makes sense and, and balance.

And so when you're constantly throwing your body through a loop, it's hard on itself. You know, your body has its own ways of detoxing, things like your liver, detoxes things. So, you know, I always try to tell parents don't fret. If like what you're consuming is not non-toxic or low, you know, toxins all the time because your body does naturally have a way of detoxing itself.

It just, when you get overloaded that it starts to come out in different ways, whether it's your behavior, your skin. You know, you're asleep, et cetera. And so you just want to be mindful of that and pay attention and teach your kids to be self-aware and to pay attention to their body and how they're feeling.

You know, you're not supposed to feel bloated all the time. And I felt bloated all the time and I thought that was normal.

[00:08:29] Stephanie: Interesting. So say, you know, you're a mom and you sort of noticed maybe some of these symptoms and you start to remove these things from their diet, but they don't want to. And I know food battles are a huge thing, you know, like taking out the sugar, like it's hard to go cold Turkey and be like, okay, you're going to be gluten free.

You're going to only eat vegetables. You're going to do this. So, do you have any tips or suggestions that moms can do to either help with the food battles or products or different foods that they can start to incorporate into the diet in order to, I guess, go down the healthier path.

[00:09:03] Dr. Natasha: So I do have a whole blog post of 10 ways to kind of get your kids more into eating a healthy diet.

[00:09:11] Stephanie: Perfect. I'll have to link that in the show notes.

[00:09:13] Dr. Natasha: So I will definitely send that to you so you can link it, but it, I think it's really just having honest conversations about them, about it. So with my kids, especially with my older one who reads, we look at labels and I say, I want you to make that decision now.

I mean, because I've laid the foundation for him to understand it, artificial dyes, aren't real and where are they made from? And actually some places they're banned and there's reasons that they're banned because of the impact that they have. And they've been studied on behavior, on sleep, on, you know, what your ability to focus.

And so he will then make those decisions. He was looking at. It was like a bag of like snap crispies or something the other day that my sister had. And he said he wanted it. He wants to try some and I don't restrict. I said, why don't you turn it around, look at the ingredients and see for yourself what you think.

And he started looking and he's like, yeah, I don't want to eat this. You know, he's like, is there something else we can eat instead? And I said, yeah, let's find a better alternate. You know, and if he said he wanted to try it, I would also say, go for it. You know, because you don't want to restrict your kids because if you get into this battle of constantly having this tension between them, it's like, who's controlling what, and it's going to backfire.

And so with little kids, I always say, or with younger kids, As the parent or caregiver, you decide what, and when they eat the child decides if and how much, and that does continue on as they get older, but you want to start incorporating conversations with them to make sure that they're a part of it so that they are educated because eventually they're going to, while they're going to run wild and go loose and they're going to.

Make up their own mind about foods and be at friend's houses and parties and whatnot. So it's all about,

[00:10:53] Stephanie: I feel like that's like my husband and I are polar opposites. I grew up in the like super health-conscious family to the point where, when I went to college, I was like, I'm going to eat lucky charms. I'm going to eat Oreos. All the worst things, because I was restricted. Whereas my husband wasn't, he actually had all the bad things, but then he now makes great decisions and he eats healthier than I am, because I'm like, Ooh, I want that cookie. Like, it's almost like that whole, like, you can't have it. So you want it.

[00:11:19] Dr. Natasha: Yeah, for sure.

[00:11:20] Stephanie: But I'm wondering, so I know this episode will air after Halloween, but Halloween is upcoming. How do you deal with them? Like candy and. Stuff. Like, what do you do in your household?

[00:11:31] Dr. Natasha: Well, there's a lot of holidays then the majority of sugar consumption actually happens between October and December.

So you just want to be mindful of that. You're really only allowed 24 grams of sugar per day. And that's from ages three to 17. And so that's a big range, especially because that weight distribution is very different from a three-year-old to a 17 year old.

So I try, uh, there's a great book called sugar proof by, uh, Dr. Ventura and, uh, Dr. Goran and they put out a great table of separating out like how much sugar it should be for each age range. So I think that's really helpful.

But what I do is. A few things, eight, your kids are like inevitably going to have candy during holidays, during Christmas, during Hanukkah, during Kwanzaa, during Easter, Halloween, et cetera, try to find better alternatives.

And what I have found out there is that luckily, nowadays they've got ones that are organic, which means that they aren't sprayed with glyphosate and don't have other toxic pesticides in them. They have ones that don't have artificial dyes in them. And so. You know, with like red dye 40, which is banned in Europe, there's a reason because they have found that it is possibly a carcinogen that it does affect your attention and, and ability to focus.

The candies are not as bright. So you'll see Starburst in America versus Starburst in Europe. The Starburst in Europe is this, it doesn't, it's just not as bright, but it's the same formulation, except it doesn't have all of the artificial dyes. And so it's just about finding better alternatives.

Then with kids, I always say, there's great things like the switch, which I call it the candy fairy, where you actually let them turn in their candy for a toy, you know, with younger ones, you can put it under their pillow and, you know, have the candy fairy come and switch it out.

And I'm not about lying to our kids. What I tell my kids is like, look, if you believe that it'll happen, It happens. It's, you know, you just don't always see it. You know, it's kinda like the wind, you know, you can't see the wind, but you can feel it. So if you feel it and you believe in it, it might be there.

[00:13:36] Stephanie: I like that. So let's step back. Sorry. I totally liked digressed, but so on the path, so you were diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia and you started noticing that then what happened from there? You went on and decided to not only get a doctorate, but a master.

[00:13:53] Dr. Natasha: So I got my master's and then my doctorate. When I was getting my master's, I was debating about medical school or getting my doctorate in psychology.

So I went and like was applying to both. And I then realized I wanted to get my doctorate in psychology. And so I had did a deep dive with, um, with food and the impact of food, and then started looking into organic and the importance of organic foods and whatnot. And then it wasn't really, until I had my first child.

That I took a deeper dive into the environmental toxins and it was because my son was hospitalized when he was seven weeks old for 29 days. And as a first time, mom, and you know, it was scary. My dad was an emergency room physician. And luckily met me there at three o'clock in the morning when he woke up with a horrible fever in the middle of the night and was not taking any food.

And so I was worried about dehydration that he might be there and he said, most likely, you're not going to be able to figure out what's going. So that was a shock to me. I was like, all right, I'm keeping that in my head. I'm trying to keep it together. And we never did find out exactly what was wrong. He had some kind of viral infection, a bacterial infection and everything in between.

Luckily, you know, I had to get off, get him off the breasts and I put them all back on the breast and that he wasn't taking it. He ended up having, you know, a total parental nutrition line put into him so he could actually get nutrients. Uh, luckily he's okay. He's thriving now, but that's really what started my deep dive into environmental toxins because I said to myself, there's gotta be a root cause there's gotta be something going on.

And obviously to this day, I still have never been able to figure out what happened, but at least I know better now. So then when I know better, I can do better and I'm still constantly learning and it's never ending, but that's really, what's made me want to start this page was because there's so much information out there and you don't know how to kind of piece it all together or pick it apart. Parents just don't have time for it. You know?

[00:15:52] Stephanie: So on that note, a parents don't have time for it besides going to like your page, what are some good resources that moms can go to, to look at, to, you know, become aware of these things or like, you know, list of ingredients that they should.

I know for me, I'm like so overwhelmed by all of that information out there. It's like drinking out of fire hose. It's like, don't do this diet, but don't do this and don't buy that. And you're like, what can I do? And it gives you anxiety as a parent.

So as a parent, what can we do to kind of sift through this?

Like, what are the, maybe top three easiest things that we can start with?

[00:16:24] Dr. Natasha: Okay. Number one, I always say social toxins are worse than chemical toxins, meaning your own stress and worry about it can be worse than the chemical ones that you're trying to avoid. And so you have these increases in this, in your cortisol, which is in your body and it actually lowers your immune response.

So I want you to take deep breaths and always have self-care be the number one, when you can.

Number two, the environmental working group, it is a great resource. And I actually joined the board of it with my husband. They are a nonprofit group that is all about providing information, changing policy, doing research on environmental toxins, and they have a number of different databases that consumers can actually access such as their water database.

So you can type in your zip. And find out what's in the water and then they even go a step further and tell you all right. What would be the best water filtration system for your budget?

[00:17:18] Stephanie: Is this just like on their actual website?

[00:17:20] Dr. Natasha: Like if you've done the EWG website and then they actually have the app too, so you can access.

Then they have a skin deep database where you can type in your beauty products. They have one for cleaning products you can type in oh, is my cleaning product. All right. And if you find that, say your cleaning product has like a rating of a C you know, ABC don't fret, once you're done with it. By a better one.

So I always say replace one item at a time because otherwise it's way too overwhelming, you know? And it's not going to hurt you in the long run. It's just the accumulation look like I said, in the beginning, our bodies all have a natural detox system within us, but it's once it becomes too overloaded with all of these different toxins, you know, ranging from the environment to our food, that it comes out in different ways.

And then what would be the third one? Reading your labels. Okay. Always reading your labels. You know, if it's got too many things in there that you don't know what they are, put it back.

[00:18:16] Stephanie: Got it. So you've mentioned that the number one thing would be like stress and self-care what do you, so you're a busy mom.

You have three kids you're pregnant. What do you do for yourself daily for self care? Do you do one thing for yourself? You know, do you have any rituals, routines? What is your self-care look like?

[00:18:33] Dr. Natasha: I do have rituals and routines because I am so add that I have to have that. Otherwise it doesn't, it throws me for a loop.

And so that stability really helps me. I get up before my kids every day and I get up around five 30 in the morning and I know some people will think, oh my goodness, that's way too early. I can't do that. And you're maybe you're right. You can't do that. I am a morning person. I am not a night person. And that's hard because my husband is more of a night owl.

So we have to try and find balance and so we do day dates sometimes, which is also a part of our self care when we can do that.

And in the morning when I get up, I always sit down. I don't look at my phone. I never looked at my phone and write it straight in the morning and I go to the bathroom and then I look outside the window, even though it's dark.

And I'll like either, you know, put on a diffuser or just sit there, calmly looking out and think about what I'm grateful for. And I actually will say it out loud. This is what I'm grateful for. And because of that, that mindset of saying like what I'm grateful for, it really shifts my mindset for the day. And it makes me see things in such a different light.

And I noticed on the days that I don't do it, cause I'm obviously human. I can't do it all the time. My mindset is different for the day and I definitely see things it's I, I'm more, I'm less patient. I lose it more. So I really try to make sure to incorporate that. And then I do my whole, when I can, I don't always wash my face and do like a whole routine.

And I like have a bunch of different like, um, products that I love from like OSEA Malibu. And, you know, I love OSEA. Oh, the OSEA brand is like,

[00:20:07] Stephanie: I'm like, I love their seaweed wash. I love their, um, the oil for the body oil. Oh my goodness. I like let my body with that. My husband always says he's like, I come out of the shower and you smell like a spa.

[00:20:22] Dr. Natasha: It's just like great products and they're all in glass and they don't have fragrance. And you know, none of the other things they just don't want, you know, putting on your body on your skin because your skin is your biggest organ. It absorbs everything. So when I can I do that and I'll even do that with my kids.

We'll do like little face mask together. And so they enjoy that in the evenings. And so that's part of my routine in the morning. So that just gets me set for the day.

I try to figure out a way to. Exercise, whether it's just 10 or 15 minutes, you know, if I do some Pilates or walking and then the other thing I always make sure to do is grounding.

I get outside, even if it's freezing, I have my feet bare, uh, at barefoot, um, on the. On the grass. And even when we've traveled and we've gone to the snow, I put my feet in this snow. Wow.

[00:21:09] Stephanie: I heard that really helps too with like jet lag or any sort of thing, wherever you are to go out and do that. I've tried to start doing it, but I haven't been consistent.

[00:21:18] Dr. Natasha: I've never experienced jail. What? So like, because I'm barely really, really specific about like setting my circadian rhythm, waking up when the sun comes out, making sure to get out and ground and put like connect with the earth with your feet. And so I've found, I mean, I'm also a really good sleeper and like that is just natural.

I was born with that and I can sleep anywhere. So I'm sure that's a part of it, but I find that those tips really, you know, help me.

And then of course, having day dates with my husband and making sure to incorporate those and having some time, some nighttime dates, luckily we are very much surrounded by family and we do have full-time help.

So that is very helpful.

[00:21:57] Stephanie: That is so back to, I was going to say married to your high school, sweetheart. And you said you do day dates. What are your secrets to success on that? Because, you know, having kids does change the dynamic of a relationship. I mean, just going through your, you know, your teens, your twenties to, you know, and beyond all of that changes, what have been kind of the key things that you think have made your relationship success?

[00:22:20] Dr. Natasha: Okay, I'll answer that one first. And then I'll talk about what we do on our day dates, because there are rules that we have that we follow things that made it successful.

A communication. Most people think they communicate, but they really truly don't.

And secondly, uh, expectations. I think people go into marriage, not knowing what they expect from their partner, and aren't clear about what they want and what they want from their partner.

So my husband and I are very clear about that and we have a really good understanding and any time I'm feeling threat. Or, you know, if he says something and I take it personally, I tell him, I'm like, and he'll say, that's not what I meant at all. You know, he's like, I'm glad you told me because I'm not saying that at all.

And so I think that is really helpful. And that's part of the communication. What it would be my other tip. Um, hopefully no kids are listening. I was going to say, and

[00:23:13] Stephanie: surviving, you know, like having almost four kids, like how do you keep the passion?

[00:23:18] Dr. Natasha: And you have to have a great sex life. You just don't, you know, I'm sorry, but sex is a, is an important factor in a relationship, you know?

And it tends to dwindle because you're tired or you don't have time. And so that's why I found that the date dates were really helpful, especially like after I give birth. You know, and I'm exhausted at night. I just want to go to sleep and with so many kids and getting everybody down, sometimes you're just not in the mood to have sex in the evening, late at night.

And so day dates are really key, you know? So you can have that during the day. Hopefully your kids are at school or, you know, if you have a friend that if you don't have help or family, you have a friend who can watch your kids for an hour and you do the same for them. And so. I think that's really key.

As far as our day dates, we put away our phones. So we don't look at our phones because I am very much guilty of looking at my phone all the time, because I'm on Instagram all the time. I'm constantly answering everybody's messages, you know, and answering as many direct messages as I can. And so I'm guilty of that.

Um, and then we also don't talk about logistics because I think that's a big part of it. You get stuck in terms of like, all right, when do we, who's picking up this person, this kid, or where are we going and what are we doing this weekend? And you know, where are we, you know, what are we planning? It's only just.

Talking about us talking about what's interesting to us what we're passionate about and, you know, we can talk about our kids, but we like I'll set a limit, like, all right, we can only talk about our kids for so long because otherwise, you know, you lose yourself and you don't, you don't want your identity just to be only about your kids.

And so those are kind of the things that have helped our relationship.

[00:24:52] Stephanie: How often do you schedule these and how do you schedule these? I mean, both of you are extremely busy. You have, you know, you're very, very like into each of your careers and stuff. How do you get that time? Especially away from the kids, especially, you know, away from work.

How do you structure those?

[00:25:09] Dr. Natasha: It's hard. It's hard for sure, but we take it as a serious commitment. So we have our day dates once a week and we try to have a nighttime date at least once a week. You know, typically I'll schedule two day dates when I'm really exhausted and night. Like, usually it's like when I'm postpartum and whatnot and.

It shifts and it has to shift and sometimes we have to play around with it. Cause his schedule is super busy and when I'm nursing, like, and you know, I don't want the baby to be on me when we're doing that. Hopefully the baby's napping. And so we kind of have to play with it. So I think you have to be flexible, but then also take it seriously.

You know, if you don't take it seriously enough and you're just constantly canceling, it's never going to work. And so I, we always put it in our calendar and we schedule it, you know, I think that's really key. We take our calendars very seriously and put it in. I

[00:25:55] Stephanie: think one of the things that like, anytime you plan a date, you're like, so now what do we do?

Where do we go? Like, do you do fun things or do you just like, you know, go to lunch? Do you hang out at home? Like, what does the day date, it looked like?

[00:26:07] Dr. Natasha: All of the above. Um, we try to do some kind of. Exercise. If we'll go on a hike or want to go to walk, if the time permits time, doesn't always permit. My mom is always my biggest advocate.

She'll always tell me, I thought this was great advice, which I didn't think about before. And Natasha, you always have sex before you eat. I was like, why? She's like, because then otherwise you'll feel bloated. And I was like, oh, it depends like what you're eating, but sure. But that's, that's great advice.

And so, so will. Hang out, you know, for upstairs at home. And like, you know, we'll take a shower or, you know, be with each other upstairs and then, you know, we'll have lunch either at home or we'll go out for a quick bite where we're actually put our phones away and, um, or we'll order in. And we spend that time together.

[00:26:54] Stephanie: That's impressive that you can put your phones away. I always, I think like I'm so guilty of it, but I noticed when my husband does it. And so I'm always like yelling at him, I'm like, put your phone away. Or then like, we all have apple watches. So then like the notification comes and like, you're like looking at it and you're just like, ah, I think my husband's addicted to Twitter and it's like, I always say that's like the, the girlfriend, the like, you know, secret girlfriend on the side, because I always feel like he's always looking at his phone. And I'm like, put your phone away, but then I'm guilty at it because then I won't even notice. He's like, you do realize you're reading text messages right now and you're looking at Instagram and I'm like, oh, I am like, it's so uncommon. Like making that conscious switch is so hard, but it's so necessary.

[00:27:34] Dr. Natasha: It is, he's definitely much better at it than I am. He doesn't have like a ton of notifications cause he just doesn't like that. I do. So what I literally put my air, my phone on airplane mode. Wow, because otherwise I will definitely look at it. And so I've been doing that. It you've been at dinner. Like I do that.

He's much more conscientious about it and he won't check his phone. He has things that are regimented when he looks at his emails and reads the news and, you know, does all that.

[00:27:58] Stephanie: I think in life in general, I find that people who have very strict boundaries around things tend to be more successful at like, you know, time management.

I know like I'm working on that, but like, even for moms, they say like for successful moms, some of the most like one of the key habits is that they stick to their boundaries. So like, whether it's scheduling, like you said, a date, like in your calendar, so it's in stone or scheduling even you time. So like scheduling self-care time for just, you.

People who have like the boundaries tend to be like more balanced with all of it. I agree. Yeah. So actually, yeah, boundaries are a good thing. And like, I think modeling to your kids is also good showing like mommy has boundaries, mommy. Like I need my time. So how do you go about teaching boundaries to your kids?

Or how do you, or do you show them that at all? Like, you know, how, what does that sort of relationship? And then you mentioned something about to back it up. When your son like did want to go to school, you asked and maybe he wanted more mommy time or whatever that is. Do you do anything with each of your kids, like a kid date and how do you structure that?

[00:29:01] Dr. Natasha: Great, great questions. So boundaries, we definitely have boundaries. You have to have boundaries in life. And I have boundaries ranging from like dealing with my parents and my in-laws to my sister, to my own kids, to my husband. And it's just how you. Implement them and is really important. And the language that you use behind it.

So with kids boundaries first come, I think with setting routines ranging from your sleep routine to your eating routine there's boundaries there, you know, for me, just to give an example, my kids are not allowed to eat, just walking around. So like when we go to a birthday party, which is a question, a common question, I get, well, how do you avoid all the food?

That's like, you know, not the best food for them, like foods that aren't really growing foods as was as what I call it. I tell them they're welcome to have it, but you have to sit down while you're eating. It's a choking hazard and it's my job to make sure your body and your mind are so growing it, that your body, that you're safe and that you're a kind person, everything kind of falls into those one of those three categories.

And so a lot of the time I actually find my kids take a bite and then they want to go off and run around because they don't want to sit down and eat while everybody's off having fun. You know, they may see like, oh, well, other people are standing up. All families have different rules. This is the rule in our family and I stick to it and that's a boundary that I'm put a setting for them.

And if they don't agree with it, that's fine. And I explained my reasoning, why though, and I think that's the part that's constantly missing from the dialogue with parents and caregivers is you're not actually giving your child enough respect to explain to them the reason why you're doing something.

And that's why I stick to those three rules. Um, because most things fall under those categories. It's my job to make sure you're safe. It's my job to make sure your body and your mind are growing. And it's my job to make sure you're a kind person. And so I always refer back to those things and like I actually noticed now my seven year old will say that to my five-year-old and my five-year-old says it to my two year old.

And so you'll actually see that cause kids mimic and they'll start to repeat what you.

[00:31:04] Stephanie: And I love how simple that is.

[00:31:06] Dr. Natasha: Yeah. I think the simpler, the better, I think, you know, we're, uh, you know, parents, adults, they're, they tend to have word vomit, you know, is what I call it. And I even said it to a girlfriend of mine, you know, when you overexplain and talk too much, it's too much information.

Even just for an adult when you're talking to an adult, you know, you've got to simplify it. And that's why it's like listening to much. Ooh. I throw that in with my relationship advice. Listening is very key people don't listen and I'm guilty of that with my husband. So he will kind of very much roll it back and say like, I just need you to listen.

Give me a minute to explain and talk. So I think that's really important with kids is that we're not allowing them the time to process things because we feel the need to fill that silence. And it's really because we're unconscious. With that silence. But I digress from the point of the question. So with boundaries and, you know, there's lots of other boundaries with sleep.

I stick to those sleep boundaries, uh, the sleep environment, you know, I don't allow toys in our kids' rooms. There's some books, but otherwise the sleep environment is very simple and very minimal because it allows for better sleep and sleep is super important.

I think the two things that are going to be talked about most in this world.

Besides the obvious of the pandemic COVID and whatnot going forward are sugar and sleep.

[00:32:25] Stephanie: The two S's yes. Or maybe the third and sex.

[00:32:29] Dr. Natasha: There you go.

[00:32:31] Stephanie: I was going to say the three things I think I need to work on right now, but so going back to like the environment you're setting and explaining things. I know for me, I lose my temper a lot when you're just like, stop asking why just do it.

Like mom says, so just do it. And I know that's wrong. And, but like, in those moments when you get so frustrated, because it's like, they're not listening, they're not, you know, they're taking the bite and running and you're like, I told you to sit like, Or put on your shoes or whatever that is like, they test you.

They're young. They, you know, it's hard for them to sit and eat it's hard for them to do that. And I know they do that at the dinner table and I tend to then lose it. What can we do as parents to kind of reset that mindset or in that moment so that we don't do that. And that, how do you like come up with really good whys?

Because I feel like. The whys, just go so far that I'm like, Hey, just is

[00:33:23] Dr. Natasha: it's just because I said stuff because I actually have posts on that. I have a post on, what do you do when you do lose it? Because inevitably you will lose it. I, and I I've lost it. People think that I never lose it. And I will say, I'm very patient.

My husband always says that to me. It's like, you're the most patient person I ever know I've ever met, especially dealing with kids, but you're going to lose it. So when you do. Uh, well,

number one, when you feel like you're going to lose it, I actually say to myself, I am going to lose it. I'm going to take a minute. It's going to be all right. And I'm going to step back. So when my kids are screaming at night and they're not going to sleep, they're talking to each other and like it's eight o'clock or whatever. I don't go in right away. I say, all right, I'm going to go splash some water on my face, take a minute, breathe, do some deep breaths and like tune everything out.

And if you have to even put your plugs in or headphones or whatever, and listen to a quick song, you know, the three minutes actually seems like a lifelong, like a lifetime, but it's not, you know, and they can wait for three minutes. And so that just helps put me in that right mindset. Before I go in.

Now, when you do lose it, what do you do? It's not really about the yelling. It's about the repairing. That's important because. A kids are resilient and they see that and be, you know, it's important for your kids to see that you're going to make mistakes, that you are going to yell, but you have to repair. So when you do yell and you say, you're, you know, making me late, why are you doing this?

And you're planing them a, I want you to step back and say, all right, why am I blaming my kids? What am I doing? Because it's on the adult. You know, why am I so upset? And I think why I'm upset because I'm late, I'm going to be late to my appointment and I'm rushing. And I don't like rushing and it makes me feel anxious.

And so then I think to myself, all right, well, what could I have done differently? Well, I could have given my kids more time. My kids need more time and kids in general need more time. And the problem is, is that kids don't understand the concept of time. Before the age of seven. Really? They don't get it. You know, they don't understand, well, why do we have to go faster?

What does that mean? What does it mean to be late? They don't actually get that. It's two 30 and we have to be there at three. They don't understand that. And so. When you're repairing, I actually say to them, you know, I wanted to say, sorry. And even if it happened yesterday, I wanted to say, sorry for yelling, you know, the other day, or whenever it happened, try to do it the same day though.

I wasn't mad at you and I'm not mad at you. I was actually mad at myself and I have to find ways to help my body calm down. And I'm sorry that I yelled. I don't like yelling. And when you keep it simple like that, it really helps make them understand that you are human. You do apologize for your mistakes and you own up to them, which then translates to them doing it.

And them feeling comfortable knowing that they can own up to their mistakes and they don't feel like they did something wrong, but in reality, they're actually a stronger person because they're doing so, and then they see that, Hey, you're human. No, one's perfect. And then that makes them feel comfortable with failing because you want your kids to fail.

[00:36:34] Stephanie: And once told me that one of the questions you should ask your kid daily is what did you fail at today? And if they say nothing, you said, then it was a wasted today because,

[00:36:46] Dr. Natasha: you know,

[00:36:49] Stephanie: I was like, it's an interesting concept. Like you should always be growing and learning and be able to accept like, not a mistake or like yeah.

What did you try? But that didn't happen like, versus. a mistake where I guess like failure, mistake are a little different, but like, yeah.

[00:37:02] Dr. Natasha: I think it depends on the age too, you know, like, like,

[00:37:06] Stephanie: and understand

[00:37:07] Dr. Natasha: what that is. Well, you know, what was something hard today, right. You know, maybe a different way to frame it, whether in, you know, and then when you're talking to like your tween or your teenager.

Yeah. Well, like, so what did you learn today? What was something that was, you know, that, you know, you failed that today. What's something that you learned. And so those are just great questions to kind of spark great conversation. And so having that dialogue is really important and you can tailor it down with your younger kids.

It just has to be. You haven't used different language.

[00:37:35] Stephanie: Yeah. So were you always like this by the way, were you always super patient? And like you have like every piece of perfect advice. We always like this before you were a mom.

[00:37:44] Dr. Natasha: Um, I mean, I've worked with kids forever and so I think, I mean, I've learned a lot throughout the years and I've had to, you know, boundaries.

I had to learn how to put those up and, and, and, and make sure to have them because I didn't always have those great boundaries. And I had amazing mentors, luckily, you know, cause I wanted to help everybody. Sometimes it just doesn't help them to, to if you get them something or provide things and show them the easy way to do it, because then they don't know how to do it.

And so, you know, I had to learn that along the way. I definitely was always patient with kids. That's just something I always knew. I wanted kids. I always knew I wanted to work with kids. I will say I'm not always patient with adults, but, um, kids, I just, I feel like I can speak their language and understand it.

And now being a parent myself, it's a lot easier for me to understand where the parent is coming from.

[00:38:35] Stephanie: Well, to wrap things up. Um, I wanted to ask, what do you think is your mom's superpower that you gained? Once you became a mom that makes you better at either business or life? So something that you gained like a super power once you became a mom,

[00:38:48] Dr. Natasha: that's a great question.

[00:38:50] Stephanie: Like, I mean, a lot of people say patience, but you seem to have had that beforehand.

[00:38:55] Dr. Natasha: I mean, honestly, I'm constantly learning from my kids and they teach me something almost every day. And I think that. Parents think that your kids don't teach you things and we're the ones doing all the teaching.

Then when reality, if you actually step back and watch what they're doing, it can be so mesmerizing and eyeopening and see things in a different perspective. Even my child, my son, the other day, when we were cleaning up. Like plastic pieces on the beach. He told me, he's like, well, we can't put it back in the trash.

And I said, why not? We're going to throw it away. We cleaned up the beach. He said, because it's going to end up back in the ocean anyways. And I said, huh? I was like, you know, honestly, I didn't think about it like that. And he's like, let's make some art. And so my husband came home to like, all these art pieces filled with like all these plastic pieces, but he's like, what's going on.

But when my son explained it to him, it just provided a new perspective. So I think just learning from our kids and letting them teach us is, is really important. Something that I've learned.

[00:39:52] Stephanie: Awesome. Well, where can we find you online?

[00:39:55] Dr. Natasha: You can find me at my Instagram. It's the add sign? Uh, Dr. Abbreviated, Dr.

Period, organic mommy, or at my website, Dr. Organic mommy.com.

[00:40:05] Stephanie: Perfect. Well, thank you, Dr. Natasha for coming on today and talking to us. Thank you.

[00:40:10] Dr. Natasha: Thank you so much. I had a great time Stephanie.

[00:40:13] Stephanie: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of mommy's on a call. Your support means the absolute world. To me.

You can find the show notes for this episode and other goodies over at mommy's on a call.com. And if you enjoyed this episode or have gotten value from the podcast, So grateful if you could head on over to apple podcasts and leave a rating and review so that we can reach and empower more moms all over the world together.

Thank you so much again, mommy pod, and I will see you here next time.

Podcast, Relationships & Social, Parenting, Physical WellnessStephanie Uchima-CarneyComment