Ep. 25: My Confession About Mommy Burnout
Burnout is a buzz word I’ve been hearing a ton these days in the mommy world. Being at home 24/7 with your kids, attempting to work from home, trying to be a distance learning teacher, while still maintaining all the other responsibilities you have in life in the middle of a pandemic, IS NOT EASY!
And burnout is something that I feel like has become even more prevalent in the last month as school has started and as time in “quarantine” has extended past 6 months. Living every day under a constant state of stress is finally wearing on moms (and pretty much all people) and we’re all bound to “break” sooner or later.
For me, that moment was a couple weeks ago.
In this episode, I share my experience with mommy burnout and how I worked through it along with my method of how to really figure out where to start to begin digging yourself out of the weeds especially if you’re burnt out and struggling.
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Ep. 25 - Coping with Mommy Burnout Transcript
Hi, mommy's raise your hand. If you have cried in the last week, two weeks a month, I'm pretty sure your hand is probably raised. I know mine is over the last couple of weeks. Things have just gotten to this point where. I've just been breaking down and I don't know if it's the change in seasons or who moons cycles.
Just kidding. , if you read my, uh, last week newsletter, I talked to all about how I had a breakdown during my mastermind group, which I'll talk about in a bit. But I don't know. There's just something about right now that I just feel completely overwhelmed. I'm burnt out. And I feel like the universe too is feeling that way.
I know a lot of my mom friends I've been talking to have literally spontaneously broken out, crying over nothing. And I think it's just like every little thing that's added on. Finally just broke the camel's back and. Reading articles like errands and showers are not self care for moms, which is this motherly article that came out or a New York times article that came out on how we are now helicopter parents, because we're like watching in, on our distance learning children, which by the way, you can not have distance learning and be Mia because it is a hands on thing.
So I'm sorry. You're right. I'm not a helicopter mom. If you're listening in, because half the time the kids don't even pay attention and you have to step in. But I digress right now. There's a lot put on moms and it's, it's just gotten to this point where I think we've been living in such a heightened state of stress that just the littlest thing pushes us over the edge.
And for me, that happened a couple of weeks ago. I was in the middle of my quarterly mastermind meeting and I was talking all about, okay, my strategies and goals for Q4 and discussing like what I want to do for my business. And again, this is a business mastermind, not anything to do with moms or anything like that.
. We started talking about stuff and I just started crying, like uncontrollable tears began to flow in my eyes I didn't even know where to start. And it was because of it talking about all the things I wanted to do. I started to reflect about , how I feel like I've hit rock bottom and I'm just drowning in my home life and struggling, just struggling.
And I'm not going to break down now, although I feel like the tears welling up and it's. It was that my work and the things that I was doing sadly, were my only escape out of everything going on at home. And it was so hard to articulate. It was just like all of these emotions built up inside of me that just exploded.
granted, I am super thankful that my mentor is one of the best mindset coaches out there. And we started talking about. What's going on really, and just started to unpack everything. And I realized that. I felt that like I was high, I was hitting this wall where I was struggling to put things out there for my business.
Like, why was I having problems sending out emails? Why was I having problems promoting my podcast? I felt like I was this person, this mom who appeared to have all my stuff together on the outside, you know, always put together. But how could I show up? If I felt like I was this giant hot mess and everything at home was just falling apart.
Like, just because of all the things going on, like everything is great at home. And I'm super blessed to have a healthy family, a wonderful, supportive husband. Like our relationships are good. I have great friends and, you know, support, but I still felt like I was just. This mess. , and what he reminded me was that I was actually looking at all of this from the wrong perspective I was being terribly, not kind to myself.
I am dealing with the hot mess around me with everything, the pandemic with schooling with just this, this world. But I, me, Stephanie is not the hot mess. Hi, Stephanie, I'm not causing the hot mess. And so I should not be making that as part of my identity. And I feel like that resonates with a lot of moms out there because I hear so many moms say like, Oh, I'm such a hot mess, but really girl, you are not a hot mess.
Look at everything going around, you, you're trying to navigate in this and you are not creating the hot mess. You are not the one perpetuating all of those stuff. And I think that's shift in perspective, just blew my mind, reframing, stepping back and realizing that I'm just navigating and trying to, you know, catch balls out of mid air and trying to adjust.
And I hate the word pivot, but like, honestly pivot and just. keeping everything going. I realized that I needed to stop taking things. So personally it's not me. That's, you know, flailing around it's me trying to grasp hold of everything going on and readjust and readjust. And every second, when things are being thrown at me and he asks me a question and he said, yes, what if you could show up in the next 20 minutes as this.
Person or this identity, that way wouldn't do these things, but that wouldn't use those, qualities. What would I do? It was interesting because he talks a lot about, , alter egos and, being the identity. So what if Stephanie, wasn't showing up as what I think of Stephanie, but this person who can accomplish all these things, who can do these things because yes, that's in me.
the epiphany I had was that. Wow. You know, I've actually. Thinking of myself as a mom to all. And I realized that like I put this identity and this persona upon myself that I felt like I needed to be strong and have it all together and be this person, this woman that has my shit together and , I'm the mom to all, I'm like mothering my children, but also a mother to everything , , around me, my business, my family, my relationships, and like I had to nurture and be strong.
And I couldn't show this side of me. wow, like that opened the flood Gates I held like the tears back in and I started to regroup. , and just realize that. Whew. , I don't mean to put that pressure upon myself. my identity is not that I need to be a mother in all parts of my life. I need to be a mom in the parts that matter.
And the parts that I need to be the mom in. But I don't need to be a mom in my business. I don't need to be a mom to my friends. I don't need to be a mom in those situations. And so instead it's like, how can Stephanie show up in her business? You know, if I were to hire someone to replace me, what would that person do?
What would those qualities be? What would I want in that job description? And that's who I need to show. And that shift has made me just feel so empowered to just. Go for it not feel this burnout because I not putting that upon myself. , and so I started to think about, okay, so now that I know, like this is kind of the identity, I want to go forward as who can I show up in this life, state of overwhelm and burnout, the mommy at home now, because the mommy in business, I realize has her shit together, but who is this?
Stephanie at home. my husband asked me a question and he is like the most amazing supportive person. I am so blessed and lucky to have him. And he's probably the only person who listens to every one of my podcast episodes. And so I thank him for that, but he asked me , what do you need? And I couldn't answer that question.
And here I am, I feel bitter. He loves to play golf and he goes, you know, every Sunday to play golf. And I, you know, always make these snarky comments. Like I wish I had, I had a five hour activity that I could escape my kids and do something I think for myself. But when he turned the question on me and asked me what I needed.
I didn't have an answer. And so I started to really similar on that and spend some time journaling and really thinking about like, what do I need? in my business, I help entrepreneurs figure out how to focus and grow. And I realized I don't do that for myself. I don't do that personally. And so I thought some of the tools that I use in my business.
Could help you as a mom . And so I want to walk through that and start to think about like, okay, so yeah, what can I do to fill this time? But when I started to dig deeper, I realized I don't really need a hobby. I don't really need something to fill that time. I mean, another distraction because the bottom line is I'm ignoring my foundational needs.
Like what do I need? And looking around at a lot of moms, we all think we're like saviors. We all think we, you know, are this. Ultimate mom, but we're really getting, knowing ourselves. it goes beyond just healthcare and wellness, but like, I feel like we're in survival mode, like having a newborn you're just in it to survive and then you'll figure it out.
But when that newborn ends phase, which this phase in life right now is not ending, you know, what, what do you do? , and they say on an airplane, put your oxygen mask first and help others. So what can you do for yourself right now to help you? Before you can start thinking about other things. And so, and look at it from this perspective of, we have four fuel tanks, you have your business cards, rear fuel tank, you have your parenting fuel tank, relationship, fuel tank, , and sort of like self feeling like wellness, whatever that means to you.
for me, I feel like. I kind of had my business tank full. My parenting tank is overfull. I need to get rid of some of that fuel my relationship tank. Isn't a hundred percent full, but you know, we're working on that figuring out date nights, but what was really on empty was myself was that I was not focusing on.
My own life and how to make sure that I was mentally healthy. so I started to dig deeper on like, what is really bothering me. It's not filling a hole of finding a hobby, but I felt just yucky, internally. Like I was sluggish, I'm tired. , I know I have a seven month old, but like, why am I feeling so terrible and looking at it?
A lot of it stemmed from health and wellness. So I decided, yeah, that would be my priority. That's going to be the foundation of where I started. Let's go back, let's start working on. Eating healthier, starting to work out. You know, my body hurts because I've had three C-sections. Okay. What can we do about that?
So I started seeing a physical therapy. I joined a health and wellness program because for me, I need someone to keep me accountable. I'm really terrible at doing something and following through without that accountability. So for me, that was important. And so step by step, I'm starting to dig myself. Out of this hole of feeling unenergetic tired, body aches and all of that.
And so I'm hoping that by starting doing that, I will slowly build upon that and feel this, like I'm already feeling less burnt out and overwhelmed. the process that I took to get to that point, and again, it's all about baby steps and giving yourself grace. But as I applied what I applied my clients on business to my own life.
it's a simple five step process. And the first step is in business. I call it the brain blowout is just taking everything that's in your head and putting it on paper. what that means for your life is like, what are all the things you're doing in your life right now? write about your kids, write about your responsibilities that you have in your marriage, right?
Or about the responsibilities you have in your business, whatever that is. Just take all of that out because also keeping all those things in your head makes you all foggy. And it, leads to the overwhelm because you just have so much in there. So by taking it out on paper, you're allowing more space in your head.
And so I started to look at that. Okay. what does taking care or focusing on myself mean to me, , what areas of my life do I want to fill? So what of these fuel tanks , am I neglecting? , and so I looked at that and I started to sort out all the stuff in my life that I was doing and busy with and putting on my plate.
And I, I asked myself, so step two is really sorting through that, sorting through all of that. she wrote out what is working? What is not working? What do I do? I actually enjoy doing, what do I not enjoy doing? What is it missing from my life right now, or from this puzzle? I started to sort all that out and I realized, you know, things that I don't enjoy.
Can I figure out how to outsource it? If I can't figure out how to outsource it, how can I approach it? Can I just eliminate it or. , do I need to actually just get it done? So three is the eliminate and keep step. So looking through all of these things, you now sorted out. Eliminate the things that are not working.
So what was not working for me? Eating donuts on Sundays. I love donuts. I am a doughnut I want a store. Absolutely love donuts. It's my guilty pleasure. I drink like three cups of coffee a day, but just so many different things that I realized were not healthy in my mind.
So I wanted to eliminate the eating poorly. I wanted to eliminate, , different aspects of my life, , including just overwhelming myself with things in my business that weren't serving me. So I sorted through all that and I decided to keep a few things and things that I were going to change. , a couple of the things that I am absolutely keeping are.
Standing, you know, why night with my girlfriends, my mom, friends, I think for me having that, having a text chain of just like fun, different things, we send each other or like rants, it really helps keep me sane. And so for me, that's super important spending time with my husband is super important. , doing 20 minute cures with my children when I can, is really important.
So there were certain things I wanted to keep, but there was a lot I wanted to eliminate. And then of those things I wanted to eliminate, I also thought, how can I make these things better? That is sort of working or not working? , how can I make these things better? Step four is now taking those things and rebuilding my foundation.
I think I make a lot of kind of house building and driving analogies for some reason in my business in life. And one of the things is really building a solid foundation. It's like, you cannot build a house on a. On a terrible foundation, you know, you can buy a house and revamp it and it's, you know, it's pretty and stuff, but it's, I always say it's like lipstick on a pig.
You need to build a solid foundation. So go back to what you personally can control yourself. You cannot control what happens around you, but you can control what happens to yourself. So focus on those things before finding hobbies and distractions is just find out what are those things that can. Fuel you and fill your tank and build that foundation.
So for me, right now, it's being healthy and being energetic because then I can show up better in my relationships, in my business for my children, et cetera. And then step five is every couple of weeks, every month, whatever works for you. Reassess. I've talked a lot about, feedback loops is just looking at the past.
Marking the data what's been working, what hasn't and just looking at that and then go back to step one. And if you keep doing these things at that is what has helped me so much. Just figure out where I need to work on myself in my life right now, in order to not feel so overwhelmed and burnt out. So mommy's what baby step or tip are you going to implement next to help you feel better?
Let me know by leaving me a review on iTunes with your babies, separate tip. And so I know that you did it take a screenshot of that review and DM it to me on Instagram at mommy's on a call or posted in my free Facebook group, modern business mamas. And if you do that, you will be entered to win a free Erin Condron, petite planner bundle filled with all of my favorite , planners, and journals to help you stay accountable and organized for 2021.
So please do that. Screenshot your review, send it to me, or post it in the Facebook group and you will be entered to win my favorite Erin Condron bundle with that. Thank you so much for joining me and I promise mommies. You are doing great. Give yourself a hug. See you next week.