Ep. 59 - Deconstructing Imposter Syndrome, Pivoting and Going All-In Online with Alex Garzaro
Alex Garzaro is the pivot queen. From wedding photographer to health and fitness coach to now a conscious living and business behavioral business coach, Alex has learned through her experiences how to push through boundaries and break mindset barriers.
Alex is a mom 2, married to her high school sweetheart for over 13 years and the host of the Alex Garzaro Show podcast. Since her babies were born it has been her mission is to help people to Build STRONG Bodies, Brains & Brands.
During the episode she deconstructs the 6 archetypes of imposter syndrome and explains how they can affect the way you show up in life plus tips to overcome them. We also talk about her entrepreneurial journey, how she used to get up at 3am and how she got out of being $40K in debt.
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Website: alexgarzaro.com
Instagram: @alexgarzaro
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Ep. 59 - Alex Garzaro Transcript
Stephanie: Hello, and welcome back to mommy's a call today. I'm really excited to bring on Alex. Garzaro. She's a conscious living coach, mother of two, married to her high school sweetheart for over 13 years. And the host of the Alex Garzaro Show podcast. Since her babies were born, it's been her mission to help people build strong bodies, brains and brands. So welcome Alex.
[00:01:18] Alex: Thanks for having me.
[00:01:19] Stephanie: Love it to have you. And I think it's so great. I met you on clubhouse and for those of you who might be on this whole like club house, like trend, how are you feeling about clubhouse?
[00:01:30] Alex: So I think clubhouse has some amazing opportunities for a lot of people. I think it can be utilized in so many great ways, but.
[00:01:41] It can also be all consuming for a lot of people. So I think you have to come up clubhouse with kind of, what is your purpose with it? Is it the purpose of learning or is it the purpose of trying to monetize when it comes to clubhouse? Because clubhouse is really kind of like that next level live podcasts and you get access to so many different people.
[00:02:01] However, if you are feeling lost or overwhelmed or. Consumed in your life. And you're kind of like in that either pivot, we're just talking about pivot, unsure of yourself. Clubhouse can really start to trigger a lot of feelings within you and start to. Almost make you feel like inadequate unworthy. So if any of those types of feelings are already within you, it can trigger those to come out even more so, because you're in a room with people that are ahead of you by a thousand steps.
[00:02:31] And so instead of, you know, looking at the person in front of you who are, who's 10 steps in front of you, you're looking at and comparing yourself to somebody at a thousand steps in front of you.
[00:02:39] Stephanie: It's so interesting. You say that. Cause I was on a call this morning and that's what they were talking about is.
[00:02:45] FOMO that they feel by being on clubhouse, which was something that they had combated, imposter syndrome, all that has gone aside. And then now it all came rushing back because of this. I also, like I have mixed feelings on clubhouse, like I've been on it, but then I sometimes feel like everyone is kind of spammy or trying to sell their thing.
[00:03:04] Like it's, it's a weird place. Anyway, I digress, but I just wanted to say that, like I met you on clubhouse and I'm thankful for that. So I think it could be used for good too, which is networking and meeting people. But I want to start off by asking, what is your biggest mom win of the week?
[00:03:19] Alex: Oh gosh, my mom win of the week is that they are breathing,
[00:03:27] you know, it's the little things that we. Need to be victorious about. I feel like sometimes as moms it's like, Oh my gosh, I'm doing such a bad job. Like my kids have been homeschooled since they were born, basically. And so I've kind of pivoted my career. My time has shifted. My schedule has changed and there is some times where I creep in and I'm like, Oh, I'm not doing the best job as a mom.
[00:03:50] That's kind of what I call your superhero imposter syndrome identity. And so it's. Kind of just looking at like, did you make them smile today? Once like own that and live in that moment?
[00:04:03] Stephanie: Oh, I love that. Well, to give the audience a little bit of context, tell us about your family structure. I know you said you've been married to your high school sweetheart, but, and you are a mom of two. What are their ages kind of, what is your family dynamic look like?
[00:04:15] Alex: So, yes, my husband and I got married very young. I was 21 very old school mentality. So we started dating when I was 14. Stay together throughout high school, got married at 21, had bought a house before we got married, very traditional. So bought our house.
[00:04:32] Got married. I moved in with him and then we had our first son at the age of 23 and I'm an only child. So I knew that like I did not want that for my children. So right after we had our first son, we had our second. So they're 16 months apart. Currently they are 10 and 11.
[00:04:55] Stephanie: And then you're homeschooling them too?
[00:04:56] Alex: We homeschool. Yes. We've been homeschooling them since they were about first grade. We did try kindergarten and, and, you know, TK and stuff like that. It just didn't feel right because we, my husband and I are both entrepreneurs and. There was a lot of things that happened at the school that triggered us to like really go all in on it.
[00:05:17] But it was also with the mentality of like, if we're not living traditional working lives, why are we going to teach our children to live traditional working lives and going to school for nine to five? Yeah.
[00:05:27] Stephanie: I mean, they can see your entrepreneurial lifestyle, like what you do, and you have the freedom and flexibility to, to do that.
[00:05:34] So. Speaking of entrepreneurship. What is your current business? And when did you start that? What has it been your entrepreneur?
[00:05:44] Alex: Oh gosh, I've had quite the journey. I am probably a pivot queen, but I truly believe that every piece of our path is. Kind of pushing us into what we've always meant to where we're meant to be.
[00:05:57] Exactly. And I'm not the type of person that gets locked into something. When I feel called or something within me, my intuition starts to kind of like, come in. I'm like, okay, let's go do that. So I actually started being an entrepreneur. With my husband. So my husband and I, we own a production company, a DJ production company, which we started when we got married.
[00:06:15] He had it before, but I kind of elevated it as we got married. And then after we had our children, I was actually working a nine to five job. We were both working banks and we had the business second hand as like a side hustle. Then we knew that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. So I didn't go back to work.
[00:06:32] And I. Could not just be a stay-at-home mom, I'm just not that type of woman. So I decided to pick up photography. So I was a wedding photographer for five years. And then after being a wedding photographer, I loved it, but I didn't have like, I wasn't in love with the process of doing it. So yeah,
[00:06:52] Stephanie: I feel you. I was a wedding planner. I was a luxury wedding planner for almost 10 years as a side hustle slash full time. And. It's a hard industry to be
[00:07:02] Alex: in very difficult, very difficult. There's so much that goes into it. That is not disclosed right. And, or valued
[00:07:10] Stephanie: because it's like a one time thing. And that's what, like my biggest pet peeve about the wedding industry wisely is a wedding is hopefully a once in a lifetime experience.
[00:07:19] And so for an event planner, it was really hard because there is no track record in terms of like, Customer loyalty because they only plan a wedding once. And so, or twice, but like usually they hire it for the first one. And so they don't know until after it's done that, what to expect, whether it's photography planning, and they don't realize it until it's over.
[00:07:42] And you're like,
[00:07:43] Alex: ah, yeah, no, a hundred percent. I agree with that a hundred percent. But industry, I give it up to everybody. Everybody's still in that industry. My husband included because it's. Super, you know, demanding and just on another level, you truly truly have to have a passion for it to stay in it, which he does.
[00:07:58] So we have the DJ production company still it's called the social vibe. And then, so I ended up being a photographer so that we can collab, right? So we have DJ photography. That was the whole thing that that's how it came to be. And then I had actually gained so much weight from my pregnancies. So I was the type of person as a pregnant.
[00:08:16] Woman saying I can have this for two. That was my thought process, but I also wasn't raised in a healthy nutrition lifestyle. So my health inheritance was very Hispanic, so I'm a Latina. So we had very like, you know, traditional enchiladas, rice and beans. Type of meals. There was no, like really talking about vegetables or macros or nutrients or anything like that.
[00:08:41] So it caught up with me. Right. And I gained 65 pounds after having both my children. So I was. 200 pounds and I'm only five foot, one inch. Wow. Yeah.
[00:08:55] Stephanie: How did you feel at the time? I mean, besides gaining the weight, like how did you physically feel emotionally?
[00:09:00] Alex: No, I truly believe now that our body is a reflection of our alignment with our emotional connection.
[00:09:07] And I wasn't emotionally connected to myself, which meant that I wasn't happy. I had a lot of depression. I had a lot of anxiety. I was very hard on myself because I also came from an environment in which perfectionism. So that's another syndrome that I talk about perfectionism syndrome. Would kind of take over me.
[00:09:28] It's like, you're not good enough. Like, why are you living this kind of life? Like, this is not the life you were meant to live, if you're so much better than this. And it would eat at me for so long and well, my reaction was to eat so I would eat more. So I became an emotional eater until one day. I literally had like a snapping moment and it really is like overnight.
[00:09:49] Like it really is a snapping moment. I really, truly, truly, truly believe that we just kind of like everything clicks one day. And so for a whole year, I was like trying to learn about fitness. And this was back in 2010, 2011. And I was just like, well, I can't teach my children to live life. This, that was my thing.
[00:10:08] Like, I do not want my boys to grow up and have the same habits and behaviors that I have because I was given this as a child. And because our teachers are our parents, our teachers, our, everyone who we surround ourself with.
[00:10:23] Stephanie: Right. They're your role models. They're the people and kids see things like whether or not, you know, like you're paying attention, they model it, or they hear the words that are coming out of your mouth may form impressions of it, which is also a scary thing.
[00:10:36] Being a parent is like wondering like, am I f-ing up my kids right now? So then why then you launched into a whole fitness.
[00:10:46] Alex: Yes. So it started with my own transformation. So that's on Facebook kind of like really started to Excel. Explode in 2011, I put up my first photo of me, how I was, which I'm a very like old school type of girl.
[00:11:01] And so it was very unlike me to post a photo of me in a sports bra on tights. And I got a lot of like verbal lashing from people on Facebook for that. And it was just like, no, like I'm doing this for me. And it was almost like me kind of regaining my power back and it felt very. Difficult at the time, but it was also so empowering at the time.
[00:11:25] And so I went ahead, put my photo in 10 months, I lost 65 pounds. And then that following year, 2012, I started to get asked like, Hey, you know, can you help me? And I was like, Oh, no, like there's. There's no ad, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, this is just my, you know what I do for me and still kind of
[00:11:42] Stephanie: a stay at home mom slash helping your husband.
[00:11:44] Alex: Okay. Yeah, that's all I was doing. So I was just, you know, working out and changing our eating. And let me tell you I'm not a cook. Well, I wasn't at that time, how will the food was not tasting very healthy.
[00:11:59] Stephanie: And how did you learn? Like what methods did you take to get to that next point? Like how did you lose the weight? Like what, what kind of resources did you fall to tracking?
[00:12:06] Alex: I am a big, big tracker with everything. Now. It doesn't get tracked too. It doesn't get. You know, measure doesn't get changed really. And so I started to track my food. That was the first thing I did. And I started to just move. I didn't have like a plan.
[00:12:23] I didn't like say I'm going to lose 65 pounds. I was just like, I just need to do something. And I just took it one day, one meal and one workout at a time. That was my whole life thing in fitness. And that's literally what I did. And so I stopped trying to live in a future that didn't exist. And I started to live in the present and own and love where I was while understanding that I want something better, but not living in that, in that better living in the moment.
[00:12:51] So, yeah, so I just started tracking my food in my fitness pal, and I learned how to understand how to build your own macros, which took me months. I was literally like, It was like a class I was taking. I would be at the computer, like studying, like the calculation, like, you know, muscle gain versus weight loss versus maintenance and I just became obsessed with it.
[00:13:13] Stephanie: Wow. And then, so what inspired you to then start your own company and to start doing this, like after people were asking you, how did this forum, did you like start getting clients? Like where did you go from?
[00:13:25] Alex: Yeah, so I've all I figured if I'm not willing to do it for free, I'm not willing to do it paid.
[00:13:31] So I had two friends who I used to work with when I was working at the bank, asked me like, Hey, one wanted weight loss and one was getting ready for her wedding. And I said, okay, you know what, let me, I know them. So if I mess up, it won't be so bad. So I took them on a four week journey and in four weeks they were in the best shape of their lives.
[00:13:50] And I just thought, wow, this is, this is kind of
[00:13:53] Stephanie: I think that's an important point. A lot of people. Like it's stigma, I think in the industry, like, you're like, yo, you have to charge for your services. Like, don't do anything for free. But yet, that's how I learned how to do things like intern for free, because I wanted to learn about something or I did it because you're right.
[00:14:11] If you can't do something for free and you're not passionate about it, like how can you charge people? Like that means you're just financially motivated and you're not actually passionate about it. So that's a very good point to anyone out there who's like interested in starting something. Do it for a little bit for free and see how it goes.
[00:14:29] It also, right. You don't have that fear of making a mistake because someone's not like paying you for it.
[00:14:37] Alex: No exchange there. It's just you providing value to that person, but here's, here's where the exchange comes in. It may not have been monetized at that moment, but it was monetized later through, right.
[00:14:50] The testimonials, right?
[00:14:52] Stephanie: Testimonials
[00:14:53] Alex: referrals. Yep. One of the things I asked them was like, okay, I'm going to do this for four weeks, but I would like to take your photos before and after. And so I made sure that I was really kind of looking out for myself as well. Like if this worked, I need to see right.
[00:15:08] Again, it needs to be measured. And so, and the four weeks they looked. Completely different. They had lost like 20, 30 pounds. It was really insane. And everybody was like shocked when I posted their photos, photos on Facebook and it just kind of. Start it from there. And my husband was like, you should start a small bootcamp.
[00:15:28] He had a friend that had this same kind of business model that I actually created here in my hometown back in like the coast coastal area. So I got with her and she started telling me like, it's a small group and a very small location. It was like four to six women. And they would go for an hour and I thought, wow, this is really cool.
[00:15:46] Okay. So we cleaned out our garage and. Just to give you like a little idea of what our garage looked like. It had laminate flooring because it was an office at one time. There was no, it was literally a garage, no heater deck. It was not pretty, it was like an older home. If it rained the water, because the way the cement was laid would run into the garage.
[00:16:09] And so it wasn't like a glamour. It wasn't glamorous at all. I had no equipment. At all. And so I thought this was such a great business model. Let me go for it. So I opened the doors to, for people to come in at specific times and I had a whole structure laid out and it sold out within like minutes of me posting about it.
[00:16:30] Granted I was only four people, but I was like, wow. Okay. The next month it was eight people. The next month it was 16. And by the end of the year, I had a six figure business. It was. Great. And
[00:16:42] Stephanie: you had young kids at the
[00:16:43] Alex: time too? Yeah, my, my kids were young, so I had to literally structure my day and kind of like a split shift.
[00:16:52] So I would work out from three to 5:00 AM. That was my personal workout. Time three to
[00:16:58] Stephanie: five. You woke up at three or two 30 in the morning, or what time did you actually. I would wake up.
[00:17:03] Alex: Well, three, I would wake up at three I'd get started at three 30. I would be done by five. I would teach a class from five to six and then I would shower and get ready for my day.
[00:17:11] Stephanie: Wow. And then you'd go back at it after the kids
[00:17:14] Alex: were done or, well, when my husband would get home, so I'd be done with my morning shift by 6:00 AM shower, the kids will get up 8:00 AM and then I would spend my whole day with them. We'd go to the park. We would ride bikes. We would do whatever my husband would get home about 5:00 PM.
[00:17:29] And then I would start teaching classes at 5:00 PM.
[00:17:32] Stephanie: Wow. And what time? I'm curious. What time do you wake up now?
[00:17:36] Alex: Now I wake up at 5:00 AM. Okay.
[00:17:42] Stephanie: Right. Okay. So we're in your fitness story. You built this business and you know, you gained a ton of traction and you've been doing that, but I know you said you're the pivot queen. So what kind
[00:17:54] Alex: of happened from there? Okay. So I have this great business model I'm working from home. I have no really overhead, right.
[00:18:01] I didn't go out and get like a location or anything. Like my clients were happy where they were. So I did this for a good five, six years COVID hits. And I had started to dabble in online a few years before COVID hit, but COVID hit and I was out loud. Like, this is crazy. Like. I can't put anybody in jeopardy.
[00:18:18] Right. So I go all in online. And at this time I already had a mentor helping me with my fitness business, but I wasn't aligned with fitness. Like I was before, like when I started it and that's okay. We all grow. And it's just kind of accepting the fact that we grow. It's like, You know, if you work in an office job and you're a secretary, but you want that corner office position while you know, you're going to have to take those steps to get there.
[00:18:42] Right. So I think entrepreneurship, we kind of miss that, that whole aspect of actually building a business and
[00:18:49] Stephanie: just say, and that true is true too. Also like your passions, like I started a wedding planning company before I got married, but it was because that was like, The creative outlet, a passion of mine, but then it's like, you get to this point, I had kids and I wasn't passionate about weddings anymore.
[00:19:04] I mean, honestly, I was like in my thirties and I'm like, like I got not annoyed, but I was just kinda like over it. Like I was over the brides. I just, I really was. That's what it came down to. And it's like, you grow your identity changes
[00:19:18] Alex: and you kind of evolve. And every evolution really was. Meant to happen to get you to where you need to be.
[00:19:25] So like my Instagram people are always talking about my Instagram photos. I'm like, well, I used to be a photographer. So, you know, that made
[00:19:31] Stephanie: a lot of sense. Cause I was like, she has the most gorgeous Instagram, like how did she build the social media following now? It makes sense. You were photographers. So I don't have an Instagram husband.
[00:19:41] And so, and I'm not a photographer and therefore I, yeah, my Instagram is not as
[00:19:46] Alex: perfect. You know, it makes a difference. And then I still have photographer friends because I was in that world for so long and we still collab. Right. And videographer friends. And so I think taking into all those aspects, like when you're looking at somebody who's in an industry that you want to be and make sure that you're not looking at the story that they're in, you're looking at the whole picture of like, where did they start from?
[00:20:07] What. You know, knowledge, do they, are they coming in at this point with, because a lot of times we'll look at like mentors or teachers or people in a certain career that we want to have. And it's like, wow. They have it all together. Let me just go ahead and model, like, let's say my fitness, right? Let me just go ahead and model her fitness structure.
[00:20:24] And a lot of people would in my hometown, try to take my fitness structure, but it doesn't work out because you're missing the other aspects of what I took to get there. You're missing the photography aspect would creating my Instagram lay at which then. Translated into my website. Right. And then I come from a psychology background.
[00:20:41] So now my psychology is coming into my copy. That's written for my website. That's what in my content. And so there's no way for anybody to really duplicate me, even if they tried. And I think that's the beauty of it. And that's why it's so amazing for anybody to come into any industry at any time. And no industry is ever over-saturated.
[00:21:03] I just, I know people say a lot, but it's not. It's waiting for you with your background and your experience to come in and to throw in whatever you have. Right. So, yeah, so all of that came in and I built my Instagram from that background. So, yeah. So then I went to, I pivoted online when COVID hit and I went all online.
[00:21:28] I had already started the process. I had an app built out. I have everything completely in my app. Now it's run very seamlessly and you know, it's more of a high ticket, premium product now versus when I was teaching in. Person. And I think also knowing your value is a big one for, you know, moms and entrepreneurs altogether is we tend to see ourselves in where we were and not where we're at and your worth is the experience.
[00:22:00] So people aren't paying for what you're giving them right then. And there people are paying me for the last 20 years that I've put in and yeah. Educating myself and experience and the mentors that I paid for and all that to be who I am today, to give that to you,
[00:22:16] Stephanie: such a good reminder and such a great little pep talk, because I feel like we, I mean, even myself, like I was, I had a breakdown.
[00:22:24] This week with my husband. And I was just so frustrated with everything because yeah, I see these people and like, I don't understand, like I started a podcast at the same time and, you know, they've just like all of a sudden skyrocket into the top 10 in the charts, like everywhere or like just where I'm at.
[00:22:38] And he's like, you got to remember, like, your circumstances are different than other people. It's like, you have. Three children, including a now just one year old, like, you know, you have had the health issues, you've had a lot of stuff. And so I think we get this imposter syndrome or not imposter syndrome FOMO.
[00:22:54] And then on the flip side, it's like, I get the imposter syndrome of like, well, who am I now to teach or show these things that I can do? Like. You know that I want, if I can't, I'm not living in the same like Valley or whatnot. And so I know like your specialty is in the mindset shifts and, or not mindset, but you call it the mind shift and imposter syndrome.
[00:23:16] And I want to learn a lot more about that. And I think it would help a lot of moms out there because. We get stuck in this sort of idea of who we are. And so if you can talk to that, talk about that.
[00:23:29] Alex: I love it. That's kinda where I'm at now and what I love to teach mostly. So first thing I want to point out is how you are comparing yourself to the others who kind of.
[00:23:39] Went on the expedited path, right. Also look at their hiring skills, right? So if they have employees underneath them, we're telling ourselves, Oh, why can't I get there? I had the same 24 hours in the day. Right. But if you only have two employees and this person you're comparing yourself has five employees.
[00:23:58] That means they actually have more hours in the day than you. They have your 24 hours. Plus they're five employees, 24 hours, because they're all working on the same project. So we have to keep that in mind as well. Like. It may feel like, gosh, I'm doing so much. Why am I not there yet? But it's like, yes, you're doing exactly what you need to be doing.
[00:24:18] And you're doing exactly what that person you're comparing yourself to doing, but they also have other people doing other things at the same time that they're doing what you're doing. Right.
[00:24:28] Stephanie: Or like, I think one of them like started off and I looked at their Instagram and they already had, they had like close to a hundred thousand followers.
[00:24:33] So like putting a blast about one thing, ma like reaches more people. And so just like reframing it in that way and looking at kind of the foundation of what you're working with.
[00:24:45] Alex: Yeah. Yeah. So those tendencies usually come from like a soloist mentality and that's so let me just go over. So currently I have five archetypes of imposter syndrome.
[00:24:56] I'm working on a sixth one, actually, that just kind of came to me. I was like, Oh my gosh, this, this needs to be in there. But we have the perfectionist, which is, you know, the person that wants to be everything needs to be exactly as it's supposed to perfect in their eyes. Because in reality, we can look at something the exact same thing, but it can be perfect to me.
[00:25:14] But because you come from a background of a different level of perfectionism and you're. Perspective then it's not perfect. And if it's not perfect, sometimes we won't even put it out there. So I have so many stories, but one that I tell so often is my ebook story. When I started in the fitness industry, because I have had all these imposter syndrome and I think they all kind of come in at different times and sometimes we can have a collab of imposter syndrome.
[00:25:39] So my ebook, I wrote in 2012 because right. I'm getting into the fitness industry and I'm having all these things and I want to make something evergreen so that I can help my kids and have this money. Because what I forgot to mention was that we were actually $40,000 in debt at the time. Oh, wow. Yeah. So we were on a, you know, a single family income and in 2008 we lost her.
[00:25:59] My husband lost his job because of the whole market crash of November.
[00:26:03] Stephanie: Oh yes, no, I up like, so I finished business school, right when that happened. And my job was real estate development. It was doing building retail. And so no one, the financial industry went. Yep. And every day I would walk into class and they'd be like, okay, let's just take out the wall street journal.
[00:26:20] And let's talk about what's happening today. Like there was no curriculum anymore because there was nothing. So yeah, no, I totally, I lived through that. So I
[00:26:28] Alex: yeah. Did a lot of stuff that had happened throughout that time. So now we're coming over to, to, to this point where I created this business and I'm ready to like, kind of take it to the next level and I create this ebook, but I was also raised in a way that like a, B was not okay.
[00:26:45] Like I needed a 4.0, I had to be that daughter that really excelled. So my mom was proud of me.
[00:26:52] Stephanie: That resonates, especially as an only child, because you feel like you're like the only egg they put in their basket. So it's like, everything's riding on you. Yeah, exactly. Asian. So go figure like Asian only child.
[00:27:04] It's like, that's a lot of pressure that my parents actually did not even put on me, but I put on myself. Jab on that perfectionism totally, totally resonate.
[00:27:16] Alex: You know, that unconscious thought process comes into my adulthood life. So I create not one, not two but three books on fitness thinking like, Oh my gosh, this is so exciting.
[00:27:30] Right. And right before I'm about to launch these eBooks. I see somebody I admire. Just launch an ebook and explode. Like she, all of a sudden became like, had so many followers on Facebook and started to be known. And I was like, Oh, there's no way that I can put out an ebook now. But she has one, there's no way that my ebook is even going to compare to her ebook.
[00:27:50] So I put them back in my hard drive and they never saw the light of day. And about a year, two years later, I get a little bit more confidence in my fitness experience. And I'm like, you know what, let me buy these eBooks that she, you know, she sells still and I'm looking at them and I'm comparing them to mine.
[00:28:06] I'm like, wow, like mine is just as good. And in some parts better. And I was like, this literally is the imposter syndrome, perfectionist that kicked in within me. And it really paralyzed me from actually moving forward with anything and that tends to happen. And it's not that we don't want to do it because we do.
[00:28:25] But what happens is our bodies are created to actually keep us safe. And when our bodies and our minds start to recognize a situation that seems familiar. It starts to put in some flags. So that's that fight or flight type of stuff that comes in. Right. A lot of times it's flight and we go, we choose flight because we know the outcome of flight.
[00:28:48] We know that if we don't do this, we're not going to experience that pain. We're not going to experience those emotions and we're going to be okay because we're going to be in the same spot we are in right now. And right now we're okay. Right. And that's the story that we're telling yourself right now.
[00:29:01] We're okay. But if you told yourself, like right now, I'm not, okay. I'm not happy with where I'm at and you kind of went into that. Like, you know what, let's just go into the type of mindset that is, I don't know what can happen, but I'm going to be excited. Right. So, you know, think of it. Like when you're going on your first date, it's a little scary, but it's more exciting, right?
[00:29:22] Because fear and excitement are very similar emotions, but because of the thought process that goes behind the emotion, that's where we dictate. If it's fear or excitement,
[00:29:31] Stephanie: Right. And you can't grow either on that. You just stay safe, you stay
[00:29:35] Alex: the same, you stay the same. Yep. And then you have the same thoughts and then you have the same reaction every time until you kind of propel yourself or have somebody around you kind of support you.
[00:29:47] Cause I find what the perfectionist, usually what needs to happen is it's more acknowledgement of support. So it's like, yes, go do that. And then when they get that, it's like, Okay. I knew that this was a good idea. Let me go do this. Or
[00:30:01] Stephanie: sometimes it's good to like, actually just do it fail and then be like, well, I didn't die.
[00:30:07] Cool. Like nothing too bad happen. I guess I can do it.
[00:30:11] Alex: Yeah. Yeah. That, that's a great way to, it's just, if you tend to have the fight or flight, that's the fight mode. So if you're in fight mode, go do it. Go handle it. If you're in flight mode, surround yourself with somebody who's going to kind of pull you forward.
[00:30:26] Mm, that's good.
[00:30:27] Stephanie: So that was the first archetype. You said you have technically five, but, but an additional bonus line. So what are your other four archetypes of imposter syndrome?
[00:30:36] Alex: So we have soloist is the second soloists is the one who wants, who has to handle it all. They're the one who has a hard time hiring because.
[00:30:47] Now I'm making more money or somebody isn't going to do this as well as I do, or it's going to take me just so much time to train this person to actually like do the work that I needed them to do it. And I just, it's just gonna be faster if I do it myself. So the soloist ends up staying solo and handicapping the grow because in reality, depending on the type of size of the business that you want to grow or the career that you want, you're going to need help.
[00:31:12] And even in motherhood, I was just gonna say
[00:31:15] Stephanie: that resonated so much in motherhood when we're like the mom we're like, we think especially like stay at home moms who made that choice, but then they're like, we can't outsource childcare. We can't have this because it was our choice to be a mom. So all we can be is this role of a mom.
[00:31:29] Like if we hire childcare, we're failing someone and that's totally not true.
[00:31:34] Alex: Yep. But I love the definition of mom. Like, you know, you're talking about child childcare, but the definition of mom for a lot of people is the housekeeper, the laundry person, the shaft, the, you know, the care teacher teacher.
[00:31:52] It's like, wait a minute, there's too many definitions here. This is not mom. Right. This, this is a lot more identity is going on here. And this is why the overwhelm comes in. So for mothers, I, I kind of put it like this. Like your family is your team, right? Your team is here to help you. And so a lot of moms, including myself at the beginning have a hard time designating tasks to husbands and children.
[00:32:22] Because they're like, no they're children, you know, they should just be enjoying life and things like that. And that's great. However, the behavior that we can condition them at the beginning is the behavior that they take into adulthood. So if we're not conditioning them to like, learn how to do laundry, guess what they're getting, what's going to happen when they're adults come home to mama
[00:32:38] Stephanie: to do their laundry
[00:32:41] Alex: or someone else.
[00:32:42] Yeah, exactly. Right. My kids not to, you know, say anything bad about anybody, if that's your choice and that's how you want to raise your children. That's okay. But we decided that we wanted to really instill some really strong behaviors in our children that we didn't ourselves get us. As parents. Right? So our children actually started cooking for themselves.
[00:33:02] Like at six, they started making like peanut butter and jelly, oatmeal, like little things, right like that. Right now they're 10. They can make pancakes, they can make French toast. They can make chicken nuggets on their own. They can make like they could survive. They do their own laundry. They buy their own toys.
[00:33:19] We have a whole system of buy save and give. So the Dave Ramsey system for children, that's amazing. Yeah. So we have that instilled in them. So when like, It's funny because like, Chris has time will come and they're like, Oh my children, you know, they're always asking for stuff. My children never asked for anything.
[00:33:37] Like if we go to the store, it's more like, mom, I want to put this on my Christmas list for Santa. It could be like in June, right? It's not mom, will you buy me this? Because we instilled from the age of six, when we started the whole process, like, this is what you, this is how you earn money. And we have a whole system.
[00:33:55] So if you read a book, you get five bucks. If you do your work and it's all about like education. So if you finish your schoolwork, by this time you get a dollar you can help out and you make sure your chores are done. You get a dollar. So they would earn their income by being part of the team. And Dave Ramsey agrees or disagrees with this because he's like, well, don't pay your kids to be the garbage man.
[00:34:17] However, I think it's, for me personally, it's being part of a team. So like if they were to work at a nine to five job, they are going to have to take on tasks that they don't want to do, but need to do anyways. So I wanted to tell my children, like this is, you're going to have some tasks that you don't want to do, and you're going to have some tasks that you need to do.
[00:34:34] And so we had the structure of a payment based off of those tasks. And then at the end of the week, we pay them for those tasks and then they have a binder that says buy, save gifts. Wow. And I was going to say,
[00:34:44] Stephanie: that's so true about the like sometimes, I mean, a lot of people do jobs and they're like, this is not in my job description, but you gotta do it anyways.
[00:34:51] So. I like that frame on that. And so you do the buy save, give, and then
[00:34:56] Alex: they buy their own staff. When we go to like church or fundraisers, they give from their own money. So all that situated. So that's the soloists. When it comes to like motherhood, like be open to help, get help, it's okay to have help.
[00:35:10] And a lot of times we look at other mothers and we're like, man, how does she do it? Well, she probably has a, you know, a housekeeper come in once a week to clean her toilets because let's be real cleaning. Toilets takes time. Right. And it took me a long time to recognize like, listen, I'm one person with 24 hours in a day and I can choose if I want to spend those 24 hours with my children, or I can make a certain amount of income in a certain amount of time to pay for somebody to clean my toilets so that I can spend that time with my children.
[00:35:37] And so it's, you know, it's a prioritizing how you want to spend your time and your income because. Let's be real. We spend income on things that aren't really need.
[00:35:48] Stephanie: You mean scrolling, Amazon
[00:35:50] Alex: and being like, yep. Add to cart. Let me go ahead and get this self-sufficient bread maker to make my bread for me.
[00:35:56] Like what is happening here, but you know, things like that and, and that's okay if that's what you want to do, that's your choice. I feel like we all have our own priorities that this was. Our priority. But once I started to let go of the reins and ask my team for help and allow somebody to come in to help me, not only did I start to take off all this weight as the soloist, trying to do it all, all the time, I became a lot happier.
[00:36:22] We're meant to live our lives and everybody has their specialty like housekeepers, how they love what they do, let them do their job. That's not what you're made for. That's not your zone of genius. And, you know, we can get into that too, because the third one is natural genius. And so the natural genius is all about, like, I should know this.
[00:36:42] Right. So let's say we're in the same room in the same industry. And somebody knows something that you don't know. You're just like, Oh, I'm so dumb. Like, how did I not know that, like, this is the reason why I should not be in this industry. I should just quit. Huh? That's the natural genius. They, you know, they feel like if they don't know all the answers, like they shouldn't be doing what they do.
[00:37:02] Wow. And in reality, it's simple lesson that you don't know everything because that also makes you who you are, but it also means that you're in the perfect room because you're growing. And
[00:37:14] Stephanie: on the flip side, you might not, you might know something that they don't know, but you just never brought up that one thing or maybe they're thinking the same.
[00:37:22] Alex: Yep, exactly. Yeah. So the natural genius gets kind of wrapped up in the mindset of like, Oh, wow. Like, I don't know this. Like even as parents, my, my son will ask, okay, I'll tell you this. I am the worst speller in the world. This is a story I'm telling myself. I shouldn't say this because I can get better.
[00:37:40] But currently my vocabulary, not my MCO. My spelling is not as. Great as it should be. And my youngest or my oldest, I'm sorry. My oldest son Sebastian is he's literally, it's so natural for him. He literally could spell at the age of three. It was, it was wild. It was really insane. And he was my, both. My boys were premature.
[00:38:01] Boys. So my oldest Sebastian was born at 31 weeks and it was only three pounds. Yeah. So he was super premature. So we thought, Oh, well, you know, the doctors were already preparing us like, he's, he's not gonna, you know, there's gonna be some kind of issues, whatever it ended up not being any issues. He's started spelling and having pronunciations, as far as sounds go from little, three years old, he didn't start talking till about five years old, but he had like, you could, he would point everything out, but he'll correct.
[00:38:29] My spelling for me. And, you know, if I was a natural genius, I would be very hard on myself being like, Oh, what the heck is happening? Like, why is my son smarter than me? I luckily don't have that imposter syndrome, but some people do, you know, and it's very, very real work. Kind of like takes over your emotion.
[00:38:50] It makes you just feel really bad about yourself. So natural genius is, is one. And I know in motherhood, sometimes we can feel like that too. Like. Gosh, I should know this, especially when you're a first time mom,
[00:39:02] Stephanie: like, especially with like sleep or eating or like, why can't I do this? And she breastfeeds so easily and like, why can't I?
[00:39:09] And like, that might not be genius, but it's still like compare
[00:39:13] Alex: comparison. Yep. Comparison. Yep, exactly. Exactly. And then we have the expert, the expert is me, you know, it's very similar to the natural genius, but they're just the type of person that like. I got this. Like there's no, you know, question. No, it all kind of know-it-all kind of, right.
[00:39:33] It's almost the type of person that, like, if you answer a question wrong, you feel bad. That person that's the expert. So that could also come into a point too. So like, if you answer somebody's questions wrong, you stop answering questions. So the expert comes in and it's like, I know this, but I'm just going to sit here and not say anything.
[00:39:54] Right. Because when they were younger, they got so many things wrong that they just stopped. Right. In reality, the question gets answered. Like, see, I knew it, right. So that's kind of the expert mentality is like kind of shutting down when you're like, I know this, but I'm not going to say anything because I'm not quite sure the fear of being wrong.
[00:40:14] The fear of being wrong. Exactly. And then the fifth, the fifth is our superhero, which is what I feel like moms really take on a lot because the superhero is about shifting identities. And when you shift identities, you want to be at a thousand percent, every identity. So, you know how we were talking about the chef and the housekeeper and you know, the caretaker and the teacher, like every time we shift into an identity, we have to give the identity a thousand percent.
[00:40:43] And if we don't give that identity a thousand percent, we feel like a failure.
[00:40:47] Stephanie: Interesting, because I actually want to do an entire thing on this, but I differentiate it and I don't call them identities, but really the roles. And so like an identity is more of the kind of description of what that role is.
[00:40:59] And so a lot of moms, I feel like. Say like I'm a mom, like that's my identity, but that really isn't, that's like one of the job descriptions you have one of the roles you play and identities can be different because how I show up as a mom, isn't going to be the same as how I show up as a leader in business.
[00:41:17] I wouldn't, you know, be that same way at home or my peers or my kids would think I'm crazy or like, wow, mommy's mean, or mommy, you know? So it's just different. The, the personalities you play within those roles is what, like, I call his identity. But, but
[00:41:31] Alex: that is, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So just, you know, when you're putting on those roles, it's like, you have to be a thousand percent, but I like to play it like this, you know, when we're working with somebody who has that imposter syndrome, If you were in school and you got an 80% as a grade, it's still passing.
[00:41:52] So if you get, if you give 80% anything that you do, you're still doing an amazing job. And the Navy seals actually have a whole training on this. About 80% is actually full effort because the other 20% is the cushion in which possibilities could happen. And we need to pivot. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah.
[00:42:14] So that's why for them 80% is full effort. So as long as you're giving 80% and you're ready to pivot at any time in any moment because of the situation, that's what they need. Right. So I like to tell people like, well, how much effort did you give? Oh, well, I gave like, you know, 80%, right? You pass good job.
[00:42:34] I, you know, people were like, Alex, you're such a cheerleader. It's like, no, I'm not a cheerleader. I'm just being realistic here. Like we're not robots. We're not meant to go a thousand percent at every single role that we play, even with our own identity, like whatever identity that you're taking on. Right.
[00:42:49] And as a businesswoman, As a mom, like we, we shift
[00:42:53] Stephanie: and that's why you burn out. That's why I feel like you would feel overwhelmed and just burnt out because you can't run a marathon
[00:43:00] Alex: your entire life. Yeah, exactly. And so that's kind of where superhero syndrome comes in and you. Basically either have like a breakdown or, you know, a burnout or which
[00:43:15] Stephanie: is, I think what my week was.
[00:43:17] So I might relate to maybe I think I relate really well to three of those imposter syndrome archetypes.
[00:43:25] Alex: Yeah. Yeah. So, well, what I would do is I would dig deeper with you and we would find out the root of those. Archetype. And so when we can find the root, what I say, depending on the root, you're either gonna need to hold yourself or to heal yourself and usually it's hold yourself.
[00:43:43] So within us, we have a child and a parent, and sometimes that child didn't get held at the moment that they needed to be held and told what they needed to be told. To have what people call, you know, your higher self, right? They couldn't step into that higher self because they were defeated at a moment.
[00:44:02] And that defeat carries with us because now we're back in that same environment and our body's reacting the same way.
[00:44:08] Stephanie: Okay. I think you just hit a trigger point in me. Well, it's interesting. Cause like one of the very first coaches that I had worked with, it was like this visualization where I had to go back to a moment in time when I was, I think six, I told us some story and she's like, can you just go back and hug her?
[00:44:24] And I'm like, what, like, imagine yourself hugging her and telling her it's okay. And like, I remember just breaking down and crying and been like, Whoa, but that's I like completely forgot about that. Yeah.
[00:44:37] Alex: Major, major. Yeah. So when people do that, we can just kind of give them an example, like when we do that, If you can find the root cause sometimes for people they've blocked it out.
[00:44:47] And when I work with them, it's almost like I have to ask quite a few questions for them to get to that, that moment. And then when we get to that moment, meditation is not easy when you first start, because you have to be quiet. Meditation is about you being quiet and it's very difficult because then you start to actually hear the thoughts that are happening within you, and you start to connect with your body.
[00:45:11] And it's really, really scary if you're not in alignment with it with yourself, but this is how you actually regain alignment. You have to listen to yourself so that you can actually. Connect to your path, connects your actions, connect to your, you know, everything that you are instead of taking on what others want you to be.
[00:45:28] Is meditation
[00:45:29] Stephanie: a big part of your daily
[00:45:30] Alex: routine? Yes. Yeah. And so I think, you know, I've shifted from that fitness trainer, like hardcore, like you gotta get the first thing in the morning, workout like that kind of trainer to like, okay, what, how many hours do we have in a day? How many hours can we actually like put into our self-care.
[00:45:49] Okay. Let's say you only have an hour for self care. Then 30 minutes needs to be for, you know, meditation and release journal release, and then the other 30 minutes needs to be for movement. So there should be kind of like a whole process and your self care. So fitness is such a gateway. And if, if that's how you want to start, that's how I started fitness is, is your gateway into kind of creating an honoring your body and your movement.
[00:46:14] And you're building a strength within the mind to showcase like what you are really capable of doing. So it's a great gateway, but meditation takes it to that next level where you can start to listen with yourself and become, you know, in alignment with the emotions that you have. So. There's two ways to do it.
[00:46:30] There's silent meditation. And then there's with the music. I prefer the music. It just kind of lets my mind, relax a little bit more than silence. So when you're going into this, I, I tell my clients like. Don't stop the thoughts. That's our first reaction. Our first reaction is to hear everything that's happening and we start wait.
[00:46:51] No, I don't like that. No, no, not that. Not that, not that. And we're going back and forth in our mind, but all these thoughts and all these images coming forward through the meditation. So when you get into the meditation for the first time, close your eyes, allow the thoughts to happen, and then remember what your purpose was.
[00:47:07] So the purpose would be to find that moment in time that you want to go back to, and you're almost looking at it like a movie. So you're standing on the outside, looking in on that moment and let the moment happen again. And the reason I say, let the moment happen again, if so that you can take on the motion physically.
[00:47:27] From that moment, because in order for us to actually change, we have to change the emotion connected to that moment. And so that's where we really want to make the change happen. So it's one thing to see the thing and, and make, you know, hold the little girl, but you really have to connect with her. And so once you see the moment, play out, you get the emotions, you allow it all to happen and, and you connect.
[00:47:50] Then you let whoever's with that little girl, a little boy walk away and you walk up to them as the internal parent. And you can either hold them. You can sit with them, what really needs to happen. And I don't like to tell anybody what to do, because it really comes down to the type of person that you are and the type of holding you need.
[00:48:10] It could be sometimes just sitting in silence with this little girl, a little boy, that's all they needed at that moment. It could be verbal. It could be that they needed to say like, look, I love you. I love you. And that could be the moment where they release everything that they've been carrying. Right.
[00:48:28] Um, it could be a very traumatic experience. You know, I, I deal with a lot of, you know, sexually abused women and we'd have to go back to the moments and confront that little girl and not confront the little girl, but be with that little girl. And they have to basically experience it again, but in a different way so that they can reconnect with the emotion differently and then connect with their body differently.
[00:48:49] And so once you're sitting with them, you hold them and whichever way, you know, that they need to be held, and then you allow each other to kind of just fade away. And it doesn't sometimes happen in the first meditation. And that's okay. That's okay. Because that perfectionist sometimes likes to come in and be like, I can't do it.
[00:49:11] Right. I'm like, but did you try. Yes. Okay. We'll try again. Right? Because sometimes we're not ready to really face what we need to face and adjust what needs to be adjusted and reconnect with our body and our mind and ourselves in a whole other way, because it's very uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. So like I wasn't raised in a family that says, I love you.
[00:49:35] So I it's, it was very, very difficult for me to say, like, I love it. And it's very awkward to say, I love you to my mom. However, I retrained myself in a way that I connect with my boys and my family on another level where I say, I love you all the time. Like, it's almost like if I haven't said, I love you, like 10 times a day.
[00:49:54] Something's wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Really getting into that deep level of like holding. Through the meditation. And then from there, I like to go into the journal release. So the journal release is basically taking everything that you connected with emotionally, physically, and then starting to kind of like lay it out in front of you visually and putting
[00:50:19] Stephanie: kind of like a physical to it by writing it out, like taking those thoughts out and placing it somewhere else.
[00:50:24] Alex: Yep. Yep. Yeah. And sometimes it could be a letter to a person. Sometimes it can be a letter to yourself and sometimes that letter gets given away. Like, you know, sometimes they give it to the person that it needs to go to because it wasn't theirs to carry in the first place. Yeah. But even carrying all this for so many years, and now you finally like.
[00:50:45] Realize kind of had that acknowledgement moment, acceptance moment. Now we can release it and that we can give it back to whoever it belongs to. Wow. That
[00:50:53] Stephanie: was so powerful. Thank you for walking through that process. I know I was like, we'll wrap it up by a couple last questions. What was your secret sixth archetype that you were thinking of?
[00:51:05] Alex: So just to give you guys kind of, I guess, exclusive the six one is looking like transformer. The transformer takes on the surrounding, so they don't connect to their own identity. They'll start to. Transformed like in a shape shifter kind of, yeah. Okay, cool. Whatever environment that person's in, they'll take on whatever is in that environment.
[00:51:31] So like, let's say that these people are all about like politics and like that kind of lifestyle, this person will take on, like speaking in that way and being that way instead of owning who they are and whole, and so they
[00:51:45] Stephanie: want to feel like they fit
[00:51:46] Alex: in and so, and they lose themselves. In the process of all this shape shifting and transforming.
[00:51:54] So now you almost feel lost internally and disconnected.
[00:51:59] Stephanie: I liked that one a lot. Okay. Well thank you. Oh my goodness. This was so mind opening and I really appreciate all the time you took to like, go through all of that and to hear your story, just to wrap it up, I wanted to ask what is your super power that you gained once you became a mom?
[00:52:19] Alex: My super power as a mom would. Be to emotionally connect with somebody. Yeah. I had a lot of walls up that didn't really come down, so my children were bored.
[00:52:33] Stephanie: Oh, that's beautiful. Well, thank you so much. Where can we find you then online in your new pivot, pivot queen adventure.
[00:52:42] Alex: So Alex aro.com, that will be all new and, you know, restructured we'll have some, you know, like, I guess you're getting big students here.
[00:52:52] We're going to get some courses on the six archetypes that are coming and you'll be able to work with me. One-on-one if, you know, you want to really dive in deeper to that type of work, because it is different type of work. And then Alex goes out on Instagram is usually where I hang out and with the beautiful photos and then I'm on clubhouse as well.
[00:53:13] So you can find me on any platform, basically under my name, Alex. Rosaro.
[00:53:17] Stephanie: Well, thank you so much for joining today. I really appreciate
[00:53:20] it.
[00:53:21] Alex: No, thank you for having me. This was so much fun. Thank
[00:53:24] Stephanie: you so much for listening to this episode of mommy's on a call. Your support means the absolute world. To me. You can find the show notes for this episode and other goodies over at mommy's on a call.com.
[00:53:36] And if you enjoyed this episode or have gotten value from the podcast, I would be so grateful. If you could head on over to Apple podcasts. And leave a rating and review so that we can reach and empower more moms all over the world together. Thank you so much again, mommy pod, and I will see you here next time.